dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
