How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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