are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
