wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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