Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
