just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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