saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
