Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
