I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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