he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
