btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
