dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
