i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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