Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
