but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
