After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
