I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
