i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
