you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
