He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
