Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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