i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
