I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
