when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
