Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize