I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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