so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize