yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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