You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
