i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
