Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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