Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize