I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
