The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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