Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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