You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
