how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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