:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
