your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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