Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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