I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
