Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
