So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am puke
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
