ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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