my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
