i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
