so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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