I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
