glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize