FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
