you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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