Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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