u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
