Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
