Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
