I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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