next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
