so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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