Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
