Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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