I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
