I wish my penis had an off switch
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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