If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My vagina is officially offended.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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