just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
