You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
