She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
