Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
