she woke up with a sticky ear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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