just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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