I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
