My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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