Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
