You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
