I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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