I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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