My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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