i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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