Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize