I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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